Are Your Hands Delicate Extensions of You? or are they Man Clubs?

As a former, avid nail biter I can say that over the years my fingernails have been unfavourably named and compared to such things as sausages, stumps, peanuts and nubs. All of which are far from flattering and quite frankly, true. I had man hands! Even though I'd overlooked my nails on purpose, others evidently hadn't.

Hands are generally exposed to everyone, at work and at home, yet still get overlooked by their owners, myself included. The 'am I ready' stage of getting ready, really ought to include hand care but mostly the fingernails if you have any left. Everyday as you shake hands, take change, answer phones, open doors, tip up your glass, smoke a cigarette, pick your nose or your friends nose, hold utensils, drive your car and use your keyboard, eyes will at some point be on your hands.

Point being, that if you do care about your appearance enough to cover all of the other stages of 'pretty' why skip over and neglect such an obvious area? An area that when not cared for ages you instantly not to mention could raise questions as to wether or not you are male or female (when based on just the hands!)

Do you choose this option because nail biting represents a childhood habit you are addicted too? Sort of a security blanket for comfort? Because in reality, it's very unhealthy due to it's unsanitary nature not to mention unappealling for those watching the feast and the end results, blah! 

Remember, I was a biter too so this is coming from someone who gets it, believe me, I get it. It took me years and many tries to quit. 'My name is Tanya and I'm a nail biter. I haven't bit my nails in 1904 days.' Not since my fiancee (now husband) commented one too many times on how pretty my wedding ring looked wrapped around a breakfast sausage.

Although a seemingly small thing to change it was difficult, but doable! My self confidence increased too because I'm not self conscious about how awful my fingers look gnawed down to the wood. Now, wether I'm wearing an evening gown or shootin' stick and eating chicken wings or something else ? ;)...etc. it's just one more thing to feel good about!

Step One - Use up all of that hand lotion from all of those regifted gift baskets you received at Christmas and moisturize already!

Step Two -  ...I double dog dare you to Not put your freakin' hands anywhere near your mouth for 3 months and just let the magic happen.

Step Three - Stop picking your friends nose, it's not polite! 

'Girl, Where did you get that Outfit!?'

...the snotty Biatch says to you as she rolls her eyes towards her little friend and they both break into a giggle and walk away!

Feeling as though you aren't quite looking up to par in the fashion department? You could be right. Go take a look in the mirror (right now silly)...then imagine that I've just came to your home for an unexpected visit. Let's assume it's not bedtime, it's not laundry day and you are in the stage of readiness where you can venture out in public. What am I going to see? and Should I be scared?

There is a popular saying, 'the clothes make the man' meaning,... you are a good man if you dress nice? If so, I beg to differ but where is the saying for the ladies? And if women had a saying, would it help those who have sadly assumed they have style just because they were born female?  

 I'm not a fashion guru brand snob who wears the newest trends and always looks perfectly dressed for any occassion. But, I am a woman who is guilty of wondering if other people's homes still come equiped with mirrors or if they are not allowed to be sold to the general public? Yes folks, we (I) do judge and get judged based on appearance, that's the reality. Personally, I prefer to try and present myself in clean, appropriate, low-mid priced fashions that I can afford and feel comfortable in. I'm not above shopping at second hand or consignment stores either ('cept the naughty bits, no second hand anything to do with that business, for me).

If you are trying to achieve and/or maintain your young age of 40+ then wearing out of style, inappropriate, improperly fitted, loud, tacky, way to relaxed or offendingly tight clothing would be the last thing you'd want to do!


Seriously ladies,

what were you thinking when you...

- paired up that cardigan with those thick corduroys?
- bought that cardigan, was it originally for your Granny?
- put on cords, do they even make those anymore?
- decided to shop at department stores that sell items with only elastic waist bands?
- paired those sweatpants with that patterned blouse? (sweatpants, toss! Lululemons, get!)
- switched to knee high stockings?
- wore socks with your sandals, do we really have to keep repeating this one?
- put your glasses on a string around your neck?
- forgot to put on your bra? unless you're 18 or they're fake, buy and wear a bra already!!
- keep wearing white shirts with yellow underarm stains (yes, we can see em')
- thought you could pull off low rise jeans? everything now hangs out above the rise, ickk
- crammed yourself into those leggings and still bought them? (crammed= shoved, pushed, jammed)
- bought those skinny jeans, wasn't torturing yourself in the 80's enough?
- wore those sleep pants out grocery shopping yesterday, the day before...do you sleep there?
- bought those butch *irkenstocks anyways, ewwww....


Remember ladies, that just because the stores sell everything to everyone doesn't mean that everything looks good on everyone nor should everything be worn everywhere! Now, go buy a mirror already or get some better lighting, perhaps both.

p.s. I've also known alot of well dressed assholes. So men, please don't assume that rockin' some fancy new threads actually makes you a man.

p.s.s. ...oh, and about those two, I'll assume, well dressed Biatches. They may look hot but their attitude sucks so, dressing nice won't make you a better person it just has you looking like you might be.

Primp Youself & Tweek up Your Sex Appeal

How you present yourself on the surface is how the rest of the world will see you...duh!

 So,do you prefer to look haggard & unkept or hot & sexy?

Being judged based on the cover isn't a new concept and it still sucks! Nevertheless, it rings true, so why not give them an eyefull of eyecandy not an eyesore! It all starts at home people, in the bathroom...otherwise known as the washroom. Notice how both terms incorporate the words 'bath' and 'wash' which means to get your greasy butt in the tub and primp yourself to sexy.

Tips to Achieve your Ultimate Beauty

- shower or bathe daily; clean all nooks, crannies and caves thoroughly
- apply moisturizer to body and face as necessary
- blowout the bat cave (but not by covering one nostril and blowing, eww)
- trim, pluck, snip, pull, tug or yank out those stray hairs and tame that unibrow
- open your mouth, what do you see? inside ought to be pink and white not your rendition of leftovers
- wash your locks, scalp, whatever you got up there! don't just wet it, wash it
- penises, vaginas & sphincters...clean all over it, under it, around it, on it & beside it
- keep pubic hairs trimmed, this ain't the 70's
- armpits, deodorant was invented in the 1800's, use it!
- ladies, shave those armpits. tank tops accented by a pair of furry armpits is not attractive
- fingernails; buff off those stains, get the gunk out then paint em' pretty (ladies?)
- toenails; clip those potentially fungus filled claws (boys and some ladies!)


Skin rashes are an unpleasant aftermath of grooming and unfortunately, for everyone, they look like zits! Use a sharp, new, clean razor and soak in warm water first. Use an aftershave, antiseptic type cream immediately after to soothe. Pluck out those nipple hairs ladies, unless you like them but go easy on your eyebrows. Pencilling them in is an option but we all know how that looks. Trim those toenails in small stages too, rather than chunks or you may be howling later. Belly buttons are cute but they collect lint and I'm sure that isn't a collection you want to start unless you want to sell it on Ebay.

Now your nakedness is hot and sexy but what about that outfit?...

Find 'Something' to Love

I say 'find something' because it need not be a human being, it just needs to be something you can love even an inatimate object. The feelings of love, both in males and females, is a healthy and natural feeling and ought to be expressed. Loving something enables you to release your inner feelings which we all know shouldn't be kept locked up inside and give your life a sense of purpose. Sometimes people have a hard time expressing love and think of it as a verbal process. In this case, your actions could speak louder and no words even need be said.

Inatimate Objects

This would cover pretty much all 'things' that don't breathe which relieves all the social pressures of a verbal confession. There is no fear of rejection either! When thinking of something to become passionate about try not to get too complicated nor need you think long term, just think of what makes you smile. Then turn that into you new found passion. One example could be a good book. One that has you nestled in the couch until dawn because you just couldn't put it down. You loved that book! Or hose gorgeous strappy high heels you just gotta have, grab em' and those music lessons you've always wanted, take 'em! Yes, I realize you may be wanted a little more than just stuff to love but for those who are new to loving these are great baby steps.

Animate Objects

This time you need to think a little more about what you choose. Animate objects do live, breathe and have feelings (yes, animals have feelings :o) and in fact, really aren't objects at all. So, in this case you need to consider a couple of factors. For example, if you choose a person to love ideally it ought to be a mutual love or a love with potential. If it's your friends that's okay, I'm sure they are missing you and would love a chance to remember why they fell in love with you in the first place! Family, well I believe there ought to always be room to welcome back the lost sheep if the family. They needn't move right in and sit at the head of your table but certainly being open to the concept of sharing love is a great start. When choosing a critter to love you would need to consider that animals are totally dependant upon you. Loving and caring for an animal means their needs would have to become your daily priority.

Finding something to love is more about delving into what makes you smile. Everyone is different, so kickin' back with long those lost buddies you haven't seen since you got married might work for some. While for the ladies it may be heading down to your local shelter and adopting an adorable little kitten that needs a new loving home. Perhaps you simply love roses, grow a rose garden. Love antiques, restore one. You used to love writing but haven't written a page in years. Whatever makes you smile, makes you tick. What makes you tick?

Grow Some...

People of all ages can benefit from loving something, escpecially as we ripen and become bruised and banged up from life's harder hits. Learning to love something again could be just what the doctor ordered. Allowing yourself to become passionate and filling the human need to love and be loved also regenerates our ability to self soothe and create our own happiness by simply finding something to love!

For more information on Maslow's Theory of Human Needs check out Maslow's Heirarchy.

Animal Assisted Therapy is growing and proves to be a wonderful way for humans to experience, share and bond with animals which is extremely beneficial for those in need of the physical and mental treatment.

Take Some Precious ME Time...

... and take it now! Don't wait for it to happen on it's own or it may not happen at all. With time constraints, pressures at work and tensions at home, people are always needing something. When is it your turn to shut the world off for awhile? When is it your time to kick back and enjoy whatever helps you smile?

In the beginning, you'll feel like this!

Never done this before, take baby steps! Just close your eyes, take a deep breathe and imagine yourself in your Me Zone, what do you see? A walk in the park with your poochie sipping on hot chocolate with extra whip cream, or are you in luxurious bubble bath reading a good book? Whether it's either of these, scaling a mountain, getting pampered at the spa or doing yoga, the concept is still the same. If it makes you happy, if it makes you smile and if it makes you love life again if even for just a moment, its worth taking the time. Whatever it takes to enable you to focus on just you, is our goal.

If you're feeling as though you couldn't possibly get away, then begin with taking just 5 minutes. If you have young children, it's not a crime to set them up with an activity or in front of the tv. You needn't feel guilty either, as this is not only damaging to you but unnecessary and unfair. Teaching your children to play independantly is a great learning experience for them and ensures your sanity which is essential to you!

In the end, you'll feel like this!